Box office takings are up and Fifty Shades is raking in the cash – but is this movie all it’s cracked up to be?

A vapid, virginal heroine becomes a ‘submissive’ in her first sexual relationship, stalked by a bullying, aggressive older man whose control extends way beyond the bedroom. He has unusual tastes and inducts her into a dark erotic world … of pleasing him.  They couldn’t print the books fast enough. Kindle ensured nobody at the pool could see what you were reading, but I didn’t have one. A heady blend of fantasy, wealthy porn and titillating sexual violence thrills mammies everywhere. Someone else taking control for a change? Bring it on. Off came the shackles of sexual repression and on went furry handcuffs. Sex shops in Dublin rode the recession in a blaze of cracking whips. DHL vans prowled the suburbs, and new estates in country towns, making discreet deliveries.

50 Shades

Movies rarely live up to books, do they? France awards it a PG 12 rating as the US stays safe with an 18. Sam Taylor-Johnson directs this one. Was the mum of four was  drafted in, from the obscurity of motherhood, to lend some credibility and ‘artiness’ to the movie? She’d complained of being side-lined til now. Will Beyoncé’s creepy,  dragging version of Crazy in Love set the tone for the night? Ellie Goulding tries for a sensual frisson:

‘You’re the light, you’re the night

You’re the color of my blood

 You’re the cure, you’re the pain.’

Go right ahead, if you like being blindfolded, handcuffed, whipped and beaten. Sex has a varied menu for grown-ups, but violence towards women is never right. No matter how you colour it submission beyond the bedroom is red flag territory. I remember vividly the contract Anastasia signed. It dropped out of my book, blew away, right around the swimming pool. I had to gallop off to retrieve it. Ms Steele eventually walks away from Mr Grey, for a time, when she finds it’s all a bit much. This movie played out against the backdrop of an ongoing murder trial in Dublin. An architect stands accused of stabbing his  BDSM’slave’ – to death, to satisfy his sexual urges.

Black and white

What about fellas, used to porn in the privacy of their own homes, watching it in public? How can they measure up to Mr Grey? Perhaps that’s what those offshore accounts are about. You’d need a decent stash of cash for a fair crack of the whip on a Saturday. It’s hard for men who dream of cuddles, and the promise of a fry-up. Women demand more. Treating battered, bleeding women in ER at 4am turns you off this sort of thing. “But he loves me.” Love me like you do. But I wonder are we normalizing brutality –  not pushing boundaries in a jaded First World?

And that, my friends – that’s the black and white of it.

And now, watch this and smile!

Still time to order fun stuff from canoodle.ie

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