Cute ads, food porn galore, glitzy  presents, loving couples and cute kids? Christmas is underway and it doesn’t get easier. My trusted tips for surviving the holidays when it’s another Christmas without a baby.

Another Christmas without a baby

Christmas is about families sharing and comparing notes.  Think ‘hatch, match and dispatch’ events of the past year. Cue inevitable questions, comments and speculation about who’s likely for any of the above.  Many of my clients dread a fun-filled family Christmas with the folks or in-laws.

You don’t have to develop a hide like a rhino, but it helps!

• Plan and choose how you react and adapt to all possible yuletide scenarios.
• Deflect conversations like a politician away from usual flash-points.
• Make things as easy for yourself, to survive your ‘holiday’ experience unscathed.
• Expect new pregnancy announcements, congratulating to new parents,
• And  child prodigies updates, sleeping through the night/playing violin/ saving the planet. Main topics for doting elders. And it’ll be there for your baby too.
• Being prepared  is your defence against these Dark Arts.

What can you do?

It is perfectly valid to choose which gigs to attend.

• Avoid any that are just too much for you this year.
• If you’ve had a pregnancy loss Christmas is a major trigger for sadness at what should have been for you.
• Decide how you will play it.
• Brief time-specific ‘guest appearances’ limit your exposure to prying questions, ghastly advice.
• If you’re staying over for the hols arrive late and leave early.
• In a house of fecund sisters-in-law enjoy playing with kids, getting outside and being a fun auntie.
• Head off to the movies and fill them full of sweets. Harassed mums love a break. These little people may be your kids big cousins by this time next year.

Baby news

Not having a choice about having a baby when you want to is tough. Pregnancy news gets harder when it’s tagged with ‘we weren’t even trying.’ Seems they’ve got it so easy. You feel worse and your relationship risks cooling.   No-one, not even YOU, is a mind-reader. What looks perfect from outside in may not be.  Congratulate the news-bearer.  There’s no Oscar for acting deliriously happy on receiving  baby news with the lonely heartache later. You can be happy for them. Maybe mention it’s not always easy for you to hear it, especially when it’s their baby-number-two or three.  But you’re glad they shared directly with you, rather than an Insta shocker.

Fed up

Mothers-in-law feel entitled to opinions, without fear of sharing them! The subtlest of passive-aggressive darts hurts like hell when you’re down.  And often go straight over her son’s head. Ever notice how he reverts to being a child at ‘home’? He’ll swear you’re imagining it or being too sensitive. Perhaps she regards you suspiciously if you sip a drop of wine, ‘Should you be drinking so much?’.

Face it – it’s impossible to measure up with some MILs because you’re the hussy who swept her perfect boy off his feet, tearing him away from her apron strings. An  entente cordiale may be the best to can hope for. And brief visits.

Holidays are an opportunity for great food.  Avoid over-indulging so you get a jump on January. Which is only a week away and you’ll get a head start on your  healthy New Year.

What’s Your Idea Of A Happy Christmas?

So, how do you and your partner design your Christmas experience? Could your Christmas time consist of the people, places and food you enjoy most? Loads of rest, and walks. Heading away? Break the mould. Midwinter celebrations doesn’t always have to be the same old, same old.

Survival tips

• Limit exposure to toxic folk by making brief ‘guest appearances.’
• Staying with the in-laws? Give your other half plenty of time alone with their folks – and bag some time to yourself into the bargain.
• If you’re the ‘daughter of the house’ make sure the ‘out-laws are welcome. Your cutesy family traditions, and things like sibling-only pressie exchanges, may exclude partners. Remember they’re part of your family now – away from their own folks on an important day. Now that you’re all grown up why not make new inclusive adult traditions ?
• Get out! Take a walk or two. Wrap up well and head off to the beach or the woods and garb some fresh air and precious daylight.  Feel-good endorphins boost your mood and you’ll burn a few  calories.
• Chill out with long’ sensual Epsom Salts baths. Full of easily absorbed magnesium it helps fertility and helps calm frazzled nerves, and supports 350 other chemical reactions in your body. Hard to get enough of this wonder mineral.
• Plan some festive sensual sex, purely for your pleasure and enjoyment.
• Use this time to do what you want. Or nothing…
• Beware of crappy calories – even if you’re not actively ttc-ing you don’t need weight gain.

Who knows, perhaps your Christmas may be get real, restful and less effort than those cliché television adverts.

What do you plan this year?