Images of babies, nursery designs, and positive pregnancy tests…
My fertility vision board dilemma is that while I DO love them – I fear they can be potentially counterproductive for several reasons. Let me explain…
The Benefits of Vision Boards
Vision boards are great for personal growth and goal achievement to clarify goals and priorities, with a visual representation of aspirations. This enhanced focus can boost motivation and inspiration, reinforcing commitment to achieving specific goals and positive thinking. Creating a vision board fosters an emotional connection to goals and taps into the power of visualization, to align goals with personal values and encourage strategic thinking. They serve as a tool for accountability and can be adapted as goals evolve over time.
So why the reservations?
Is there a darker side to be aware of?
Yes, I believe so. Fertility vision boards can keep you anchored in an idealized future, preventing us from fully engaging with your present reality.
They often create a false dichotomy between our current life and the “dream life,” as if the two are entirely separate entities.
This mindset can actually hold you back, feeling life is on ‘pause’ until you achieve that elusive positive pregnancy test.
Research in the field of positive psychology suggests that while having goals is important, excessive focus on future outcomes can lead to decreased life satisfaction and increased anxiety.
What’s more vision boards often present an unrealistic, picture-perfect version of parenthood and family life.
This can set us up for disappointment and feelings of inadequacy when reality doesn’t match our carefully curated images.
It’s crucial to remember that life – especially family life -is messy, imperfect, absurd, tough, and beautifully real.
Instead of fixating on a glossy future (which is truly deserved!) I encourage my clients to focus on creating a life they love now, one that they’re excited to welcome their child to join.
Living Your Best Life Now
You’re not just trying to conceive – you’re actually preparing to welcome a child into the life you’re living right now.
How appealing and welcoming is that life? Are you outdoorsy hiking people? More sporty? Do you adore swimming or walking beaches in winter? Are you musical? Into books or games? Close with extended family?
Now is the perfect time to lean into these interests and activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
One of my clients, Sarah, was an avid hiker who had let her passion slide while focusing on fertility treatments. When we discussed this concept, she realized that by rekindling her love for hiking, she was not only improving her own well-being but also laying the groundwork for future family adventures. She and her partner started taking weekend hikes again, imagining the day they’d carry a little one in a backpack along those same trails.
Creating Your Family Rituals
Think about the kind of family life you want to lead. Do you envision cosy evenings reading stories together? Weekend picnics in the park? Holiday traditions with extended family? Start living those values and creating those experiences now.
Get weaving the rich tapestry of your future family’s rituals. How you’ll celebrate birthdays, or what your Sunday mornings might look like. Perhaps you grew up with festive Christmas Eve gatherings, while your partner’s family had quiet, intimate Christmas mornings. How do you blend these experiences to create your own magical holiday traditions?
This isn’t just about planning – it’s about connecting with your partner on a deeper level and dreaming together about the family life you’re building.
Research supports the importance of family rituals too. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that family rituals are associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction and stronger family relationships. The study noted that “spouses who engaged in frequent family rituals reported higher marital satisfaction concurrently and over time” (Fiese et al., 2002).
Whether it’s a special breakfast on Saturday mornings, an annual camping trip, or a quirky way of celebrating milestones, these rituals will form the heartbeat of your family life.
You’re laying the foundation for the warm, loving family culture you dream of nurturing with rituals as unique and beautiful as you are.
Pat and Emma, another couple I worked with, were into trad music. After three miscarriages they decided to start attending gigs again and playing music. They saw it as a way to heal, and enrich their current life while exploring the options that brought them their boys.
Reframing Challenges
Fertility issues are isolating, especially when everyone around you is having babies effortlessly.
But there’s power in reframing these situations. My client, Áine, was naturally devastated when both her local sisters-in-law had babies while she was still trying to conceive – painful reminder of what she didn’t have.
As we worked on reframing the situation, Áine began to see those babies as close cousins for her child.
This shift in perspective changed her entire attitude. She felt differently about family gatherings and even found joy in buying gifts for her niece and nephew.
Did this change in attitude tip the balance for Áine to go on to have her two children? Who knows. But it certainly made her fertility journey more bearable and allowed her to maintain her close family relationships.
The Magic of Everyday Moments
For me, there’s nothing quite like the feel and scent of fresh bed linen. That crisp, clean sensation as I slide into bed sets me up for a great night’s sleep – something we all know is crucial when trying to conceive. It’s these simple mindful sensory appreciations that ground us in the present. Maybe for you, it’s your morning cuppa, , the warmth of sunlight on your face during a walk, or the satisfaction of getting a couple of chapters read.
Nourishing Body and Soul
It’s not just about following a rigid fertility diet – it’s about the act of nurturing yourself and your partner. The way you eat as a family. Cooking a meal from scratch, trying out a new recipe, or simply eating dinner at the table without devices is an easy form of self-care and connection.
The Power of Human Connection
It’s all too easy to become isolated, especially if you’re keeping our journey private.
Make time to talk to people – whether it’s a heart-to-heart with your partner, a chat with a friend, or even a brief exchange with your local barista.
These interactions, however small, remind us that we’re part of a larger community – the tribe that will welcome your babies.
Laughter
Especially in the midst of fertility struggles, humour can be a lifeline. It’s okay to find the funny side of your situation sometimes. In fact, I encourage it.
Dark humour often has a place in the fertility journey too. Those hormone-induced mood swings? The awkwardness of timed intercourse? The things we do for that elusive positive test? Sometimes, laughing about these experiences can be incredibly cathartic. One client kept a “TTC Blooper” journal, writing down all the absurd things people said, did, and the bizarre moments which helped her process her experiences.
Designing Your Ideal Day
Instead of fixating solely on the end goal, what if we focused on creating days that energize and fulfil us right now? Days that honour your natural rhythms and strengths? Start by paying attention to your energy levels. When do you feel most positive? Morning lark or night owl? What breaks get you outdoors, a chat or time to think?
The Power of Non-Negotiables
Identify the non-negotiables that make you feel human. Maybe it’s a morning walk, a weekly date night with your partner, or time to enjoy something you don’t give yourself permission to do…
Build your fertility routine around protecting these elements, not sacrificing them. Remember, a fertility journey that requires you to put your entire life on hold isn’t sustainable over time. It becomes a well-disguised path to overwhelm and fertility burnout.
Embracing the Present
Are you treating your daily experience like some sacrifice on the altar of future parenthood?
The truth is beautifully simple.
Your best fertility journey exists now – in the day right in front of you.
Embrace any small joys – fresh sheets, delicious meals, belly laughs.
Because ultimately, it’s not just about creating a new life – it’s about cherishing and nurturing the life you have right now, and creating a warm, joyful environment for your future child to join.
Imagine you are crafting the story of your family – your ‘family brand’ – living your own vision board in the here and now!
Are you ready to change your mindset and prepare for a healthy pregnancy?
DM to book your free discovery call to see how I can help you.
