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In his song ‘You’re Just a Small Bump Unborn’ – Ed Sheeran sings about the sadness of miscarriage. He tells of a baby ‘torn from life’.
There’s no such thing as being a little bit pregnant, because when you’re expecting a baby you are a mother. No matter what stage you’re at.
From the magic moment of a positive pregnancy test you imagine what this little person will be like, who they’ll resemble, their personality and features.
No matter how long ago a baby died during pregnancy or how long a mother lives, she vividly remembers and cherishes her little one. Women in their 70’s share sad stories with me, of losing babies to miscarriage decades ago. Their grief still deep and vivid. Even more heart-breaking is that they’d never spoken of it to anyone. Miscarriage was a strictly taboo subject. I’m not sure enough has changed yet. I, so grateful to Síle Seoige for her hauntingly beautiful TG4 tv documentary by Tyrone Productions, produced by Edel Fox, sharing her journey of miscarriage, the pregnancy loss experience of couples up and down the country, breaking taboos, starting conversations, finding the supports available, seeking out the research and medical treatment available. I was honoured to contribute. The response and wonderful feedback has been overwhelming. I wanted to explain a little more about what I shared in the documentary.
Miscarriage
Women who’ve had miscarriage, or face recurrent miscarriage, feel under pressure to ‘get well quick.’ I believe every woman is different. Sadly, because miscarriage is the end of the happy ending of the birth, people are at a loss for words. They feel uncomfortable, say weird, unhelpful things and even start avoiding you. People tell me it feels as if they’re contagious. Miscarriage is a trauma, that can sometimes bring PTSD. Not always. I use EMDR to ease the stark, raw grief and fear. Talking with others who have suffered the loss of their baby can help, but experiences can be so different to what you’re suffering.
Men are often forgotten about after a miscarriage, and I’m working to change that. A client of mine, Leah, who miscarried at 10 weeks told me, “It was easily six months before I realized my husband was suffering with our loss too. He’d been minding me. I wasn’t in a fit state to help him. All the attention was on me. People were afraid I’d crack up.Yet he had no-one to talk to.”
More than memories
Scientists believe there’s more than memories for mothers who lose babies to miscarriage.
I wonder if Ed Sheeran knows about a powerful baby magic that helps and heals a grieving mama long into the future…
What happens?
Your tiny baby’s immune cells journey across the placenta in early pregnancy on reconnaissance missions.
They return with new information to help the growing baby prepare for life outside the womb.
Amazingly, some of these intrepid baby cells choose to stay motherside, quietly waiting for years.
They spring into action as storm-trooper Stem Cells to heal mama in case of cancer, auto-immune diseases and more.
According to researchers from Thomas Jefferson University, Philadelphia, specialized baby’s cells have been discovered, hard at work within their mother’s body. I find this so powerful.
The magical process of baby cell movement is described as ‘Fetomaternal Microchimerism‘ by Science editor, Robert Krautwich.
Always loved, always missed, always a part of you – a little piece of your precious baby lives on with you.
I’m grateful to Ed Sheerin for perfectly voicing the incandescent sorrow of miscarriage and pregnancy loss so beautifully.
Read more: https://helenatubridy.com/miscarriage-real-life/
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