Fairytale wedding over, Jennifer- a 34-year-old accountant – develops panic attacks. She can’t believe it. Is this a case of ‘post-wedding blues?’
Far from funny, it’s much more common in my practice than you’d expect.
Jennifer explains,’ I went into wedding prep mode as soon as we got engaged, a magic, whirlwind of organizing. I loved it, my sisters and friends helped. Everything was perfect, everyone enjoyed it all. I married my best friend, after 8 years together. Our honeymoon was a dream come true. We’d got the house perfect. What could go wrong?’
Three months later, Jennifer wasn’t sleeping well, her sex-drive evaporated and she was irritable. Promotion to director at work meant longer hours and her mum’s adored aunt died.
‘Life felt flat and meaningless. I missed the buzz, the excitement of wedding planning.I’m the go-to person in my world – I love it. My enthusiasm went, getting up for work was a struggle. I made excuses not to socialize. The panic attacks started. I was scared, I thought it only happened to people with real problems. My doctor explained about stress and anxiety; I realized something had to change … and fast.’
Jennifer’s mum suggested Mindfulness Therapy – sessions with me quickly helped her through grief.
‘First thing I noticed, after my first session, was sleep. Sounds simple, but made a world of difference to me. From lying awake, horrible thoughts filling my head, I slept well. I learned to enjoy my life. Our wedding was special but I stopped remembering the wedding as the one high-point of our life. My mood lifted. I got my balance back. I explored my feelings and fears of married life, work, starting a family. It was a life-audit for me, a chance to learn how to be in control and pace myself. Conor was fantastic. I discovered Mindfulness breathing to calm down, how to stop brooding over things, and to be in the moment. Panic attacks are gone. It really works.’
Planning a wedding is thrilling. Going back to reality is harder than you’d expect.
One in four people will have a mental health issue in their life.
Weddings are one trigger. Therapy is effective so you’ve no need to suffer in silence.
Prevent Wedding Blues
1. Your wedding day celebrates your love. Â That’s it, done.
2. Unless you’re Kim Kardashian, normal people get off the wedding roller coaster and back to reality.
3. Make your reality as good as you can. Not every day is a high holiday, so get sh*t done on those days.
4. Stick with the simple stuff. More of that in a minute.
5. Everyone is glad to have you back after all the wedding hype! Enjoy them, make space for new friends.
6. Plan fun stuff with your husband, friends, family. Fill that diary, look forward to great times.
7. Be there for others special times. Help, support and put them centre stage in their celebrations.
8. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Figure out how you live together, share chores, all the mundane things.
9. Mothers-in-law get terrible press, not for no reason! If you’re expected to spend every weekend and Christmas with his folks, it’s time to negotiate a better deal, now.
10. No sooner is the ink dry on your marriage certificate – Â some bright spark starts on about babies. Your life, your body, your business. (Not a bad idea to check out a few fertility baselines, even if kids are the furthest thing from your mind right now.)
So, what are the small things I mentioned in No 4?
Make time to enjoy small things and to laugh more!
Long hot baths, great sex, good books, movie date night, friends round for dinner, baking, pets, walks … what do you like?
If you’ve been affected by issues here – give me a call.
‘
