Mindfulness isn’t just for chilled-out baldy monks. Research backs it for helping anyone feeling less than zen. So, can you use it to help when you’re trying to conceive? Humans are hard-wired for anxiety and fertility worries bring a whole heap of stress.

 Your plastic brain 

Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of modern mindfulness, describes it as ‘paying attention on purpose, in the present moment non-judgementally. This attention is paid to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.’ It’s about accepting what’s going for you now and being a lot kinder to yourself with self-compassion.Mindfulness practice dims down the brain’s ‘flight or fight’ centre, the Amygdala. Brain scans show it shrinks the Amygdala. This brain part works our stress response, handling fear and emotion.  As it shrinks, the pre-frontal cortex (centering on focus, attention and decision-making) grows.

What’s mindfulness got to do with infertility?

Infertility brings intense and horrible feelings of guilt, fear, shame anger and jealousy. Anxious and obsessive thoughts are common for many of my clients. Mindfulness teaches you to notice them, accept them and realise they do pass. Impatience during the two-week-wait is driven by a natural anxiety and a burning need to know if IVF is successful. Mindfulness roots you in the present so you do less replaying of failures and less worry about the ‘what if’s’ of trying to conceive. Unhelpful stress hormones zap fertility and practising mindfulness shuts them down.

Get started on using fertility mindfulness

1. Shut up! Notice the bitchy voice in your head. Would you say that to a friend? A critical mental commentary impacts mood, libido and sleep. Notice it and get less judgemental to stop stress hormones.
2. Mindfulness is not a state of blissed-out mental calm. Described as a ‘state of focused awareness’ you pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Minds wander quickly, after about 20 seconds they’re gone again. Bringing it back and focusing again, and again, is mindfulness. You can do it. May not be particularly interesting or pleasant but who cares when your head clears and you feel calmer and less likely to lose the plot? The science here says you’re ‘making new neural pathways’ by doing this and that’s good for your brain. Multi-tasking is a myth. One thing at a time is the best way to get stuff done. Honest!
3. Notice what’s going on in your head. Get familiar with it. A lot of it is on ‘repeat’  – but unlike Friends it’s not funny. Can you guess why? Humans survived better if they focused on the dangers of life in the Stone Age. Our brains haven’t quite caught up … yet. Get comfy with the stuff in your head. The good, the bad and the ugly. No-one’s happy all the time. That’s why we have birthday parties, weddings, Friday cocktails and Sunday brekkie in bed. Wouldn’t be the same if endless, rainy, bad-news Thursdays didn’t happen. Life is unfair and sh*t happens. It’s called living.
4.  Is your life all … Me? This drags you down. Start by listening properly in conversations. Not thinking about your important input. Pay attention. You come across as more intelligent.
5. Wake up. Life is …right now. This moment, once it passes, is over.
6.  When’s the last time you laughed like a drain? Play and have fun.  Serious doesn’t mean more efficient or productive. Bring back the fun and inform people that you’re ‘doing mindfulness’ if they complain.
7. Eat mindfully to shed a few pounds. Pop your fork into the other hand to eat more slowly. Smell the aroma, notice the colours and savour the flavour of your meal.
8. Shower mindfully  feel the warm water on your skin, fell the silky soap lathering you, fluffy  towel enfolding you.

Make love mindfully and generously. Sex is hard for couples waiting to conceive. Focus on sensations your body enjoys and share pleasures.  Orgasms give your womb and Fallopian tubes a great workout and boost fertility.

 S.T.O.P. is a simple way to calm yourself.  Use it before a call or meeting, after the school run.

S. Stop!

T. Take a few easy breaths

O. Observe your body. Any holding or tightness? Allow tension to soften

P. Proceed to decide what’s the most useful thing to pay attention to now. If you’re anxious maybe a little kindness, less drama and some perspective helps. How will this appear in a week’s time?

Loads of ways to be simply mindful every day in your own time.

What’s your favourite?